Reinventing Emma by Emma Gee

Author:Emma Gee [Gee, Emma]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781925144307
Publisher: Emma Gee

Chapter 22

Three Months on – the Rehab Roller-coaster

I’d arrived at Talbot in mid-winter. By spring I was deemed medically fit enough to be able to propel my own wheelchair, which gave me a touch more freedom. In between sessions I’d exit the dark and gloomy life of the ward where my fellow patients were resting on their beds and wheel myself towards the ‘therapy zone’. Here, I’d park my wheelchair in the natural light and warmth of the glass walkway. If I positioned my chair at an angle, I could see the tin roof and treetops in the distance, a glimpse of the outside world while still safe behind the glass.

Although I had improved I was still having trouble keeping up with Talbot. It was a fast-moving, efficient place, because they wanted me to be independent, but sometimes their careless actions and brisk attitude had the opposite effect.

Whether it was forgetting to shut the bathroom door and revealing my naked body to the world, asking me if I’d like a Malteser when I couldn’t eat chocolate or swallow properly, failing to put the bed brakes on, or giving me a ‘wedgie’ while holding the back of my pants when walking me, there were numerous incidents during my stay that reinforced my feelings of dependency and powerlessness. I’m sure these actions were not intentional, but in my AVM victim mentality I saw them as such. Already feeling vulnerable and defeated, I became fairly cynical about the treatment I was receiving, and that cynicism certainly didn’t help speed up my recovery.

In rehab I needed help with just about everything, but hated asking for it. Some people seemed to make the whole process rather difficult. At times the staff seemed too busy to attend to my needs or would frequently avoid eye contact to save time. I remember in about my second week of rehab the first time I really tried to communicate with one of my doctors. He was walking down the corridor on my ward at the end of the day, carrying a pile of notes. I couldn’t call out or wave my arms about to get his attention, so I fixed my eyes in his direction. I knew he could see me, but he was busy reading the notes so he kept looking down and continued walking. I know I have done the same myself as a therapist, but the impact his behaviour had on me that day, when I already felt so stripped of all other means of communicating, was huge. I felt so forgotten, like an odd sock. Powerless. If he’d said, “Em, I’ll see you tomorrow,” that would have been fine. The disregard I received that day really made me see how powerful communication is and how simple things like eye contact and body language can really impact your relationships and recovery.

There are so many small humiliations in the hospital day. Simple things like eating were suddenly immensely complicated, juggling the tasks of cutting food, getting it to my mouth accurately and then chewing and swallowing it.

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